Wednesday, October 31, 2007

How a Strawberry can Change a Life

Well now, thanks to Gails shout out I now feel compelled to explain a bit about the title of my blog.

It all came about many moons ago, during my university life, while eating at a restaurant with 3 friends. After the meal, I was enjoying a nice dessert. Something with strawberries. This fact is important as the strawberries had created a sense of envy in Chris that he couldn’t ignore.

Have you seen the sub commercials where apparently good people steal others subs and run off with them? Well, this is what Chris was feeling while I sat across from him enjoying my most delicious dessert. The continual disappearance of the strawberries made Chris more and more desperate. Finally, when only the last strawberry remained, the situation was so desperate that Chris was driven, some would say by a moment of madness, to act.

He most casually and inconspicuously prepared himself for a quick capture and retrieval of the last strawberry; his only hope to taste the sweetness that I had so wantonly enjoyed. After preparing the fork and positioning his arm in a striking position he was ready. All would depend on his ability to create a situation that would distract me long enough for him to get the strawberry into the safety of his own mouth. The moment had finally come. Waiting any longer could undermine his entire plan. His free hand flew out from his side, pointing to the wall just above my left shoulder and he spoke.

“Look! A deer!”

I know you’re all waiting for the climax of the story, to know whether the desperate ploy by Chris could ever have worked, but in order to fully comprehend the events that would take place you must know the following. I was aware of the plot. All the signs were there. If you’ve watched a movie or TV show in which someone was covetous of another’s possessions you understand what I’m talking about. The intense staring. The fidgeting every time I raised another sweet red berry to my lips. The yearning oozing form his very being was palpable, despite his attempts at concealment.

The moment he moved to point over my shoulder I recognised his feign, and in that split second I decided to sacrifice my last strawberry. He was my friend. How could I possibly hold him accountable for the desires that had driven him to steal my food? There would be other meals; other opportunities to eat strawberries. I prepared my response and boldly stepped into his waiting trap.

“Really? Where?”

I turned my head, slowly, to look over my shoulder (at the wall that was immediately behind me), providing him with exactly the opportunity he was seeking. His strike was quick and true. He was biting into the strawberry even as my defensive stab, intentionally late, dropped down to the table and my head whipped back to face him with and expression of surprise on my face that perfectly disguised the internal satisfaction I truly felt. It had worked. He had sated his desires; quelled the greed and envy that was growing within him. And by sacrificing one small morsel of food, I had saved his soul.

The above is a true and accurate recollection of the event which has inspired the title of this blog. Others may say differently, but they’d also say that I moaned when I really groaned. But that is a story for another time.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Captain Obvious, or just Oblivious?

So, some of you may know already that Fancy has dubbed me Captain Obvious. She often refers to this moniker after some statement by me that, apparently, states the obvious. Upon further reflection of such occurences, I have come to the conclusion that my statements of the obvious are, in fact, only a symptom, and that the true, hidden issue is that I am actually oblivious. The statements of the obvious are only a sysptom of not being able to see anything else but the obvious, due to being oblivious.

My state of obliviousness, while hidden from any casual scrutiny, does have it's proof. The evidence: having to be explained to that going to a movie whith a girl consititutes a date, even though you thought you were just going to a movie; not realizing you're actually flirting, or being flirted with, until being told by your girlfriend/friends.

So, from now on, if you happen to catch Fancy referring to me as Captain Obvious, you can feel free to remind her that it's actually much worse, and she's actually marrying Captain Oblivious.

(I just realized that I can use this as an excuse now for all future mess-ups.)